thus making me awesome and them whores
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
