I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize