I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
