how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
