Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
