woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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