Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
