Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
