the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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