youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
