dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
