omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
