Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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