It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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