i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
