Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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