U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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