I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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