Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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