I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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