Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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