I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
