I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Pooping to opera.
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