So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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