Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
thus making me awesome and them whores
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
