oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
