he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
