Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
