Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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