my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
