My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize