Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
