drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
