someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I would fuck him just for his dog
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
