he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
