i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
