You smell like stripper and shame
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
