Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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