She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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