If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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