Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
