i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
