you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
