whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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