OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
