He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
