Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
