I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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