youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
