Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Two words: nipple clamps
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