that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
