I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
