I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
