Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
