I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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