you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
