you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
