i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
