I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize