Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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