If i come over, it means nothing
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
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