what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
