apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
