I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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