No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
