you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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