so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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