I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
