If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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