What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
