Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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