the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize