"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
