There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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