Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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