You made me cry and you don't even care
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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