I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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